On Killing A Dolphin

Thu, August 12, 2004 - 5:20 PM PST

A day or so ago, my office mate Brent mentioned some story about someone that most likely was not true yet was rumored to be. So we discussed the phenomenon for a bit and I mentioned a brother of my old roommate that was rumored to have killed a dolphin when he was in the service. I've heard this particular rumor from at least 5 people, so it's safe to say that there are probably people that haven't even met him that know him as the kid that killed a dolphin one time.

So I asked the question, just how does a rumor like that get started? We decided that it happens in one of two ways (we're assuming that the rumor is just a rumor and that no dolphins were actually killed). First, you tell someone that you killed a dolphin, somehow working it into the normal flow of the conversation, but qualifying it with a plead not to tell anyone. Because by telling them not to tell anyone, you instantly gain mystique and credibility. Secondly, someone else can tell someone that you did it, but only when you aren't present, and also with a "but don't tell anyone" warning. So we decided to try out our theory.

As easily as I could muster, I told my coworker Jeremy that I killed a dolphin "but don't tell anybody else". He just kind of raised an eyebrow and backed out of the room. So I'm pretty sure that you don't convince someone you're a dolphin-slayer by flat out telling them.

Brent said that he'd find a way to tell somebody else that I killed a dolphin once, but that I'm not comfortable with talking about it and don't really want anybody else to know. We'll see how that goes. So don't be surprised one bit when you hear a rumor about me killing a dolphin. But don't tell whoever tells you that you know the truth - because that'll kill any future spread of the rumor and that person might tell all the people he already told as well as the person that told him that it's all fake and it might just unravel the whole experiment.

So if you hear the rumor, act like you didn't know it, but that you're not surprised. I mean, after all, can you think of anybody else heroic enough to kill an evil, wicked dolphin? I didn't think so.